Re: Am I waisting my time?

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Posted by Ianthe on April 06, 2000 at 17:13:34:

In Reply to: Re: Am I waisting my time? posted by George on March 01, 2000 at 16:27:00:

: : : : : : I was born in South Africa, with English parents. I am Anglican but don't "practice" my religion, but I have very high standards and morals. I have been seeing the most amazing Greek guy for nearly a year now and am totally in love with him and he with me. He isn't very religious, although his parents are fanatical. I still haven't met them. My guy "doesn't want to subject me to that" because they wont accept me - for obvious reasons.

: : : : : : I adore him and want to marry him and build our own family together. He only wants to think about that kind of committment in 2 years time. It is starting to affect me because although he says I must trust him that he wont walk away from me because of what his parents say - it's very hard on me because I must just sit and wait.

: : : : : : I'm starting to get really depressed and it's starting to affect out relationship. Please help me, give me some advice. Am I waisting my time thinking that we will spend out lives together? Am I wrong to want a step towards more committment (like engagment) now?

: : : : : : H.L.

: : : : : Dear H.L: You need to read all of the advice I have gotten...better yet don't listen to anything George has said but read all the replies I have received. It may be a fact that you will never be accepted my your greek guy's parents for the duration of your marriage. I will be the daughter who will carry on the family name when we have a son and I am sure this will influence both of his parents.They do not realize this and I hope they will sooner rather than later. Hang in there I will try to offer wordsw of encouragement. The language barrier is the most difficult for me..I am learning greek and instead of seeing it as a positive step it is looked upon as something I am doing just to figure out what they are saying about me. Fortunately my guy has stood up to his parents and this doesn't happen when I am visiting. It is strange that you have not met his parents..i would be discussing the matter with him...he may not feel as confident as you say he does..

: : : : Thank you for your thoughts - TRUST ME . . I have been reading your replies. (George = what a wolly!!!) It really helps to know that others out there are going through, or have been through the same thing.

: : : : The fact that I havem't met his parents really worries me, I say if I can't meet his parents, how can we ever think of marriage? Apparently his parents just don't want to meet me, but you have a point about carrying on the name!

: : : : How was it when you met his parents for the first time? How long had you been seing your man until you got introduced? I would really like to know?

: : : : Can you speak Greek well? I am also trying to learn - frustrating sometimes though!!!

: : : : Pease let me know how things go for you?

: : : : H.L.

: : : Dear H.L: Boy the things we could share. I have been involved with my great guy for a year and have met his parents. I am not the greek girl he is supposed to marry.I have learned a little greek but it is very hard and they speak very fast. Instead of looking at it as a positive accomplishment they have viewed my embracing of the greek lang. as something of a I am trying to find out what they are saying about me.I met them fairly quickly after we started dating.Hnag in there I am ther for you...Emily

: : Emily - please could you post your email address?
: : I really would like to "chat" to you.

: really are WASTING your time on this guy...if I were so much in love with you, I would have introduced you to my parents long time're not greek....

Why does he want to wait two years? Is he dependent on his parents for money? Does he live close to them? Older Greek people can be quite closed off from changing times. I have observed that they don't believe that it is normal or Ok for younger generations to have relationships with non-Greeks. I wonder if your man realizes that it is normal and Ok to fall in love with a non-Greek. A priest might be helpful in introducing you both to married couples who have experienced this situation to give you support. Also, I have found it helpful to not try to look for others approval especially in-laws. Live your life and make decisions based on what the two of you feel is best for you. Be respectful of their feelings and don't look for arguments,but still do what you want. Eventually the parents will come around. It took my in-laws almost 3 years before they would talk to my husband after marrying me. It is very painful to go through no matter the outcome. It is doesn't wrk out, he is the one who will lose the most. He will have lost you and his self-respect. Good wishes to you.

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