Re: Greek Pride

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Posted by Flora on January 14, 2001 at 20:27:33:

In Reply to: Re: Greek Pride posted by Joanna on January 13, 2001 at 19:07:13:

Thank you for your comments. As a mother, I don't understand this behavior. Perhaps I'm just blessed that I have never been put in such a situation. So, I will pray for my friend and his sons.....that their love keep the relationship strong during these trying times.

: I don't think he should just wait for his sons to contact him. No matter how much it hurts him he must do everything he can to keep in contact with them. Even if they never contact him (they're under their mother's influence since they're living with her) he should always put the effort to keep in touch and do things with his sons. Otherwise one day he will regret it. His sons may grow up with anger and resentment against him wondering why he did not put any effort to go and see them and do things with them. As I've said before, never let pride, pain, embarrassment etc (humility is good actually) get in the way of communication.

: You could be right about the wife finding divorce the second time round easier because she's been through it before. There is a big problem in society today where everyone is always seeking and trying to find "happiness" but infact they're going the wrong way about it. They're trying to find the "grass that is greener on the other side" but if they just stood still and watered the ground on their side they'll build their own happiness. Basically, marriage has it's ups and downs and so does everything. But people shouldn't give up if they find things tough for awhile. They should communicate and concentrate on solving their problems. Because it doesn't matter where else they go and whatever else they do new problems will always be encountered. Anyway, I've gone on long enough. It's just sad to see this phenomena.

: : I hope that this response is not too personal for the board. If so, I'll refrain from posting any more of this nature in the future.

: : I can never say what makes a marriage end because it's the two people involved who have the best information. But I do know that he suffered major financial losses around the time of his divorce. I've worked with family business owners and have learned that business failures are often associated with marriage failures.

: : I was told (in very general terms) that there was no intimacy in the marriage for quite some time before the divorce. I was also told that she wanted the divorce because she was unhappy. She had been married once before, so that may or may not have affected her decision to divorce again.

: : After the divorce, my friend went into personal counseling in order to get back on track with his personal life and business plans. After about a year or so, she decided to let him back into the home where they lived until early last summer. He came home one day and the locks had been changed. Up until the holidays, he called on a regular basis, tried to reconcile on a regular basis, and saw the boys on weekends. He has regularly paid a good amount of child support and continues to do so, but now he will not call the boys and is waiting for them to call him. This is what I meant by his heart being hardened. It seemed like a sudden change of heart, but now he insists that he will wait for them to call him because phone calls to his former home cause pain.

: : It seems that he can't get beyond his own pain and embarrassment to feel the pain his sons must be feeling. I sense that he is embarrassed because he can't come home and because he currently lives in a section of town that is not safe for his children (but it saves money while he is rebuilding the business.

: : I have friends with children who once went to school with his sons. They said that his sons are great kids....well-liked by their teachers and peers. They sound just like their father who I know through our business dealings.

: : So, this answer is a lot of detail and perhaps a lot of nothing. Perhaps his behavior is not unique to Greek men. I come from a family where the men are very strong and loving.....until they feel violated or betrayed. The women are the caretakers, lovers, and the "glue" to hold things together during those times when problems pop up.

: : Perhaps because this man reminds me so much of my brothers, I'm just doing what comes naturally. Perhaps it's best to not spend time trying to figure out something that I may never understand. I'll just listen when he feels like talking, give my honest advice if he asks, and otherwise...just do business.

: :
: : : : I have a Greek friend who is very depressed over his ex-wife's refusal to try to get back together again (for the sake of the children). Her rejection seems to have hardened his heart.....even with his sons who he says he loves very much. Is his personal pride so strong that it could result in this attitude? It makes me very sad to see him hurt himself and his sons this way. But, all I can do is try to be a good friend and listen when he feels like talking.

: : : I don't want to be too personal but why has she rejected him in the first place? This could have a bearing on her rejection. And in what way has his heart become hardened? He doesn't love them anymore? I'm a little lost in what you're trying to say. But all I can say is that pride is never a good thing. He mustn't let pride get in the way of communication -no matter what the situation is.

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