Re: Enjoying my freedom as a human being thank you!

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Posted by Tracey on February 06, 2001 at 07:39:35:

In Reply to: Re: Enjoying my freedom as a human being thank you! posted by Calliope on February 05, 2001 at 11:12:03:

Dear Calliope,

Maybe you would like to take a careful look at the wording in your own first posting to 'Married with a greek guy'. When I, myself, read your message, my first reaction was a negative one and I felt the impulse to protest.
I dropped the idea of commenting because I don't believe in confrontations in messageboards (and this one has enough of aggression in it to compete with ten other boards, anyway).

Neither of us has an idea of who the other is, what age group and what personal experience has brought forth a specific posting we read. Sometimes, we are also not aware of how something we write 'sounds' to a stranger.

Please, let me go through some quotes of your two postings to demonstrate what I mean.

>>Young lady, I think you have an attitude problem.<<

You do not know the age of 'Married to a Greek guy'. Yet, you patronizingly address her as if she was a young, unexperienced girl. And I don't think you can discredit her legitimate point of view as an 'attitude problem'. This does not hint to the belief in 'diversity' you claim to have and cherish in your second posting.

>>God bless your husband. You have a very serious misunderstanding of what a culture consists of.<<

Pitying her husband for being with a woman who does not understand what culture consists of is clearly an attack gainst the woman herself. In the process you disown her of a culture of her own.

>>What you deem "old fashioned" is merely a part of the Greek culture.<<

And 'what she deems 'old fashioned'' is an element that in her culture that has undergone change. So why can't she describe it as old fashioned being entitled to her own culture view?

Having spent some time in Athens with Athenians, I have met a many people in their twenties and early thirties there who would agree with what 'Married with a Greek guy' writes, and I seriously doubt they would say they have less Greek culture.

>>It's a pity your Greek husband did not explain this to you.<<

Maybe the Greek husband himself does not consider this 'a pity'. He might have a different understanding of Greek culture than you have - one that is compatible with that of his non-greek wife, I guess.

>>>: : My dear, not one time did I designate myself as being Greek. You jump to conclusions too fast. <<<

Well, are you? Your 'hot-blooded' reaction and the point of view it suggests is 'very Greek'... :-) No offense intended!!!

>>>My problem with the post was with the tone of anger it was written.<<<

I did not detect this tone of anger. I felt she was - with verve and vigour - describing that life is possible beyond the traditions, that is to say, the ideas of how to live, a parent generation embraces.

>>There is no attempt to understand where the family was "coming from".<<

It was not the subject of this specific thread to demonstrate understanding for the Greek culture (and us all, Greeks and Non-Greeks, hanging around in this place strongly suggests we are working on understanding the Greek culture, anyway). Correct me, if I am mistaken. I thought, the questions was whether a non-greek girl can keep her cultural identity and the Greek man she is with at the same time.

>>>One thing that I have always stressed is DIVERSITY. Although we don't always agree with the culture, lifestyles, or traditions of another that doesn't mean that they are wrong and we are right.<<<

I completely agree with you. Yet, your criticism suggests something else.

>>You ramble on and on about things that have no bearing on the subject.<<

I found BR's answer justified in content and length. You should not critisize BR for what you refer to as 'rambling'. Do not underestimate your own contribution in this, you were quite provocative. And if you feel, he is not talking about the same thing you are talking about, then maybe you failed to make yourself clear in a differentiated way.

>>Greeks are very diverse and individual families have their taboos.>>

Nobody would seriously doubt that. There are tendencies in this diversity though Greeks themselves observe. I myself found first generation emigrant Greeks very differnt from second generation-emigrants and they were a lot different from the Greeks living in Greek villages or the Greeks from Athens or Thessaloniki I met. Still, the members of each group had A LOT in common when it came to their understanding of their Greek culture.

>>A little narrowed minded aren't we.<<


>>By the way the Puritans came seeking religous freedom. And as you know, they vanished. Maybe too much assimilation?<<

And what is wrong about that? The history of mankind is a history of assimilations. And a closer look at the history of Greek culture reveals that consists of successful cultural and ethnic 'assimilations'.

>>We are discussing families not oppressive governments.<<

Just last christmas, a friend of mine in Greece said, "Greek families are tyrannies from which you can escape". He is Greek, married Greek, never left the country, speaks only Greek, and is in his mid-forties.

>>You are trying to be academic and literate but come accross as being narrow and unyielding.<<

I found BR's input rather philosophical. And loving Greek culture as we do, we should cherish a little philosophic argueing, shouldn't we? And people not agreeing, does not necessarily mean they're narrow.

>>No one mentioned disapproval of mates.<<

It is the subject of this thread...

>>If that is what happened to you, maybe it had more to do with your personality and not your ethnicity. >>

In boxing, this would lead to your disqualification, dear. Never below the belt! As far as I've read, BR has a beautifully working relationship with a young Greek lady.




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