Posted by Sally on February 13, 2002 at 13:59:02:
In Reply to: Re: His mother didnīt accept me posted by lena on February 13, 2002 at 11:38:28:
The dating situation is so complicated for the girls that born in America with parents born and raised in Greece! (If they go to Greece they'll be shocked at how much things have changed!) The old-school/strict parents don't make things any easier.
What suggestions did they offer? What is their expectation for their daughter's dating and marriage? These things don't seem to be communicated very well. It surprises me that since this is such a common struggle there are still many old-school parents that haven't figured out how to communicate and possibly help prevent this. I can understand your parents being very upset because you dated for a little over a year (also him being black) and then told them about it...but then again, the last time you told them about a guy you wanted to date they flipped out. Do you really think things would have been so much different a few years ago if the guy you wanted to date were Greek? I think it still would have been difficult. Since strict Gk parents wouldn't want you to date for the heck of it because too many boyfriends would give you a bad reputation...you would have to try to prove to them that he is a good person, and in the long term would be good for marriage (otherwise he's not worth your time). Yikes...and this is supposed to be decided before you even date the guy?!!!
The dating ---> marriage situation involves a number of factors and how they are prioritized varies among couples and parents. My only advice if you're in school right now is to work really hard and do very well! Do it for yourself so you won't regret it and do it for your parents so they can't say that you were distracted by your boyfriend.
The one positive thing I've noticed in everyone who's had a very difficult relationship is that in order for the boy/girlfriend to put up with the barriers and challenges provided by the parents he/she must really want to be with that person. It's a strong relation that can endure these difficulties.
In the future I hope to see a bridging of the generation gap with increased communication.
Good Luck and Study Hard!!
: Sorry i forgot to include that. I actually dated him for a little over a year before I told them about him. I just got tired of all the lies and the hiding. It stressed me out way too much and I was feeling more and more guilt. I apologized as much as I could for lying to my parents, I KNOW it was wrong, but I didn't feel I was left with much of a choice. but I also know that they are not as upset about the lies, as they are about the color of my bf's skin. They say they will never accept him into our family.
: I had tried to be honest with them about my first boyfriend several years ago (he wasn't greek either) and when I told them I wanted to go out on a date...they both flipped out. I don't want to go into details but let's just say I became VERY scared of what might happen if I dated openly. They even threatened to not send me to college. I ended up breaking up with the guy, but from that point on, I was too scared to share the truth with them about ANY of my dating. I've found that a lot of my greek girlfriends have had to do that as well. I know one greek girl who has been hiding her relationship with an irish man for SIX years--she's too scared that her father will blow up and hurt her or even her boyfriend.
: Do you have any advice for me?
: : Lena,
: : I'm just curious about something....how long did you date this guy before you told your parents that he was your boyfriend?
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