Re: She broke up with me

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Posted by K.R. on April 17, 2002 at 17:14:08:

In Reply to: Re: She broke up with me posted by advice on April 17, 2002 at 12:09:08:

The word that keeps on coming up in your original post is 'respect' and I got the impression that things started to go wrong with the both of you when you felt that she didn't respect you any more. My opinion is that relationships are based on two foundation stones, trust and respect, and if one of them goes, then the whole thing collapses as you have unfortunately found out. Your exgirlfriend may still feel a type of love for you, but do you really want anyone's affection who doesn't also respect you? You may think 'well how do I get respect back?'. You may be better served by asking yourself 'how did I lose her respect?'. You were not unfaithful and you're not aware of anything coming between you and you say things started to go wrong when you spoke to her about respect issues. I think you may have to accept that she may not be the right person for you because she reacted so badly to you wanting to redefine the relationship for the better, you wanted things to improve not to stop and this is the way she's reacted to you. She may not be as emotionally mature as you, in which case you have to accept it's over. Besides, deep down in your heart, do you really want a person who doesn't respect you? You think she may suddenly or even over time regain respect for you and the relationship? That is a fine theory but I've never seen it work in real life. Don't feel down on yourself if you, while you're accepting things are over, if you feel self-doubt that you felt love for a person who turned out to be unworthy. They probably weren't disrespectful to begin with, but some people do change, and change a lot. It's difficult to accept things are over, but at least through this experience you've been able to define what it is you really want from a relationship, and respect is a sound foundation in any form of human relationship. What you wanted was right, it was just the wrong time or the wrong person. Good luck for the future.

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