Posted by melisss on December 19, 2000 at 13:03:59:
In Reply to: Re: Let's Hear it from the MEN!!! posted by Cessie on November 10, 2000 at 11:16:38:
WOW. I had to print that story. What an inspiration. I am in-love with a Greek man who goes through the same things. I have been kept separate from the immediate family. His parents have scared off several non-greek women. (I know I am called names) Although I am thankful at times they have recently retired to Greece. but, its will still be a long journey.
i see his internal struggle between his wants and desires and THEIR's. I am patient mostly b/c I do not know what to do. I try to learn about the culture to understand, hence why i am here. Even if he isn't MINE for eternity, I have his respect and friendship and love... which you can't take away. Just mask. I know I make him happy.
He is a wonderful person, but there certainly are cultural differences... I think I enjoy them more than he knows. But, at times, it is hard to see his point-of-view... b/c his reasoning does come from another culture/time than me.
We will always be part of each others lives, even if we aren't strong enough to overcome the differences.
: : OK Bebe, to save you the trip to find my story...
: : I am a 30 year old doctor. At the risk of sounding conceited, I am somewhat cute. I grew up mostly in the US and speak next-to-perfect Greek(yes, I am a Greek mother's dream). I never got into trouble as a child and was always my mother's angel (oldest of four). All of my life, my parents brainwashed me to believe that I was going to marry a Greek woman from their village on their island. As a child, I was always told that "we" did or did not do this. There was no "I". I am very lucky that I actually wanted to be a doctor because nothing else would have been good enough. My parents controlled every aspect of my life. They determined who my friends were as a child and they alienated my first true love. I was only 17 and did not know to continue to pursue her.
: : My parents kept trying to match me with girls whom they thought were of "good families". This was a joke. The choices they meade were terrible. They would not allow me to be interested in the girls that I liked. You know the story:"Her house is old"..."Her mother was a harlot"..."Her katsikes are skinny"...etc. In the end, I realized that no woman would be good enough for them. In as much as I love my parents, this was a difficult realisation.
: : Five years ago, I met a wonderful woman. She is an educated professional. She is one of those people that everyone likes instantly and really is so lovable. I fell in love with her. There was one problem, she was not Greek. Here I had two choices: Stay with a woman that I loved who honestly made me a better human being OR give her up and break both of our hearts on the OFF chance that I might find someone who is Greek that I had yet to meet. At first, I did not tell anyone...but I knew that this woman was worth going to battle with my family over. I am the first person to marry outside of the island (much less the Greek culture) and I knew it would be horrible. I told my parents and my father was fairly supportive. He told me that he'd rather I would be happy with someone who loved and respected me that was not Greek rather than some stuck-up woman from the village who would make me miserable like my aunt so-and-so and my aunt such-and-such have made my uncles miserable. My mother on the other hand could not have been less supportive. She called me names...."murderer"...."traitor"..."devil"...She told me that I had "ripped out her heart" and "disgraced the family" and that I was an "ungrateful son". She said that I "drove a stake through her soul" and that I "stabbed the family in the back". My brothers and sister were supportive. My grandmothers called my wife a "prostitute" without even knowing her. They tried to argue about religion and children and losing my heritage, etc....My uncles who used to call me at least once a month each tried talking me out of it. After my parents met my wife, they were nothing but kind to her but it took forever for them to stop abusing me behind her back.
: : I married my wife with little incident. My mom was propped up on tranquilizers. My family showed up and was about as presentable as I could expect. They did not embarass me as I feared. It was a beautiful Greek wedding.
: : My uncles never call any more. My one grandmother died. My other grandmother hasn't spoken to me in five years. My grandfather whom I loved very much passed away and I was asked not to come to the funeral. My son is now two years old and my extended family is so luke warm about him. My parents love him and accept my wife in as much as they can. She will never be Greek and I suppose they are dealing with that. As long as she gives them beautiful grandchildren...I am not so sure that they care anymore.
: : My brother is now dating a non-Greek and he learned from me to let the parents in on it early. Unfortunately, it is all my fault now. Don't think that my mother doesn't push me in private to take my son to "our church" and baptize him "in our church" and send him to medical school etc. HE IS ONLY TWO YEARS OLD!!!!
: : My trials and tribulations are a testament to my love for my wife. If she was not as mature and confident as she is, we could never have survived the family....but she is and we are both much happier for it. It takes a spine. The "Brainwashing Syndrome" is all about fear, control and guilt. If the children can see it coming and deal with it as individuals with their own convictions, no parent in Greece or any other nation/culture will stop true love.
: Mihalis, I congratulate you on your courage to marry the love of your life despite your mother's theatrics! You are a real man. Your story is interesting since I have heard another one similar, a Greek man from Athens who married a Greek woman from the Peloponnesus (not sure if I spelled it right) and his parents were'nt happy that she was from a family not very well off financially with too many brothers. What does that mean????
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