Posted by Flora on January 12, 2001 at 07:08:59:
In Reply to: Re: Greek Pride posted by Joanna on January 11, 2001 at 20:45:46:
I hope that this response is not too personal for the board. If so, I'll refrain from posting any more of this nature in the future.
I can never say what makes a marriage end because it's the two people involved who have the best information. But I do know that he suffered major financial losses around the time of his divorce. I've worked with family business owners and have learned that business failures are often associated with marriage failures.
I was told (in very general terms) that there was no intimacy in the marriage for quite some time before the divorce. I was also told that she wanted the divorce because she was unhappy. She had been married once before, so that may or may not have affected her decision to divorce again.
After the divorce, my friend went into personal counseling in order to get back on track with his personal life and business plans. After about a year or so, she decided to let him back into the home where they lived until early last summer. He came home one day and the locks had been changed. Up until the holidays, he called on a regular basis, tried to reconcile on a regular basis, and saw the boys on weekends. He has regularly paid a good amount of child support and continues to do so, but now he will not call the boys and is waiting for them to call him. This is what I meant by his heart being hardened. It seemed like a sudden change of heart, but now he insists that he will wait for them to call him because phone calls to his former home cause pain.
It seems that he can't get beyond his own pain and embarrassment to feel the pain his sons must be feeling. I sense that he is embarrassed because he can't come home and because he currently lives in a section of town that is not safe for his children (but it saves money while he is rebuilding the business.
I have friends with children who once went to school with his sons. They said that his sons are great kids....well-liked by their teachers and peers. They sound just like their father who I know through our business dealings.
So, this answer is a lot of detail and perhaps a lot of nothing. Perhaps his behavior is not unique to Greek men. I come from a family where the men are very strong and loving.....until they feel violated or betrayed. The women are the caretakers, lovers, and the "glue" to hold things together during those times when problems pop up.
Perhaps because this man reminds me so much of my brothers, I'm just doing what comes naturally. Perhaps it's best to not spend time trying to figure out something that I may never understand. I'll just listen when he feels like talking, give my honest advice if he asks, and otherwise...just do business.
: : I have a Greek friend who is very depressed over his ex-wife's refusal to try to get back together again (for the sake of the children). Her rejection seems to have hardened his heart.....even with his sons who he says he loves very much. Is his personal pride so strong that it could result in this attitude? It makes me very sad to see him hurt himself and his sons this way. But, all I can do is try to be a good friend and listen when he feels like talking.
: I don't want to be too personal but why has she rejected him in the first place? This could have a bearing on her rejection. And in what way has his heart become hardened? He doesn't love them anymore? I'm a little lost in what you're trying to say. But all I can say is that pride is never a good thing. He mustn't let pride get in the way of communication -no matter what the situation is.